CPY - CPY～はじめてのサンプルCD～

CPY

CPY～はじめてのサンプルCD～

[CPY; 2010]
0.0

















Regardless of how bad your typical Touhou doujin album is, they are at least trying to resemble the melody of your favorite songs as they savagely beat it with no remorse. You can look back on most bad remix albums and say "Yeah I don't like it, but that's because it didn't appeal to me. I am sure this might be somebody's cup of tea, but just not mine". I hate pre-Strawberry Jam The Ramones, Burzum, and a bunch of other bands and music groups, but I can fathom somebody getting a kick out of them for whatever the reason. There is no album I have come across sans the likes of brokeNCYDE where I would aggressively assert that you would have to be batshit insane or live in a parallel world where trite music is like Brian Eno until now.

CPY～はじめてのサンプルCD～ is guilty of every crime you can commit against music: Terrible mixing, below bedroom production values, boring riffs, tone deafness, the inability to sing, and having the gall to announce this as a teaser for an album which will be released four months from now. This album wouldn't get a trial or wait on death row, but instead would be shot in the head upon sight without hesitation.


Now upon listening to East on Light, you might be like me thinking that the way the painfully synthesized violin sounding like it's being sodomized by a tiger is CPY's attempt to be obnoxiously quirky or avant-garde. The moment that talk-in-a-half-assed-sing-songy voice kicks in, you start to honestly start wishing he was being artsy and pretentious as opposed to sonically butt-fucking A God That Misses People ~ Romantic Fall with a condom lined with razor blades. After those 114 seconds coming to an end after going on for two minutes too long, we are treated with the 70-second ear sodomy dubbed Love Bomb, which takes the already criminally overrated and remixed Flowering Night to the nadir that it has been striving toward since August 2005. I am at a loss as to describe the most unconvincing guitar opening other than an off key carousel burrowing its way to Hell in hopes that it can fall in the fires of the damned and end its miserable life. The vocals are not only off key, but also off tempo. By this point, you would swear that CPY is honestly fucking around with us and holding back his laughter each time someone came up to him at M3-25 purchasing his craft work, which was probably done in a single sitting with no retakes or planning. The final "sample" is 空白回想, where he is now performing a hit job on Tabula rasa ～ 空白少女 from The Phantasmagoria of Dim. Dream, complete with your stereotypical metal kick drum-heavy line. It figures that one of the only times a PC98 songs gets attention, it gets stuck in the biggest troll doujin album of the year so far.

The last track on the album 東○大運○会 実況中継 appears to be CPY talking with his friends for 15 minutes from what sounds like through a 360 headset, most likely chatting about how much the people who bought this are complete suckers for Touhou remix albums and how they'll still probably purchase the full version at Comiket 78 even though it's an unredeemable 4 minutes of hell, making the idea of putting a stethoscope on the amp during a Swans concert sound tempting as permanent deafness is the only guaranteed escape from the full release of CPY～はじめてのサンプルCD～ coming August 2010. It's music like this that I use to propose that there can be no God, and the only consolation is that I see them struggle on how there can be an all-loving creator who would allow this to be exposed to any kind of public.